As "They" Say, It's a Small World

A few years ago I was flying home from California and was rerouted through Chicago because of tornadoes. My plane was late to O'Hare, so I "ran" (I can't run anymore!) all the way to the other side of the airport (of course) to get my flight to Charlotte, North Carolina. I got there just as they shut the door.

After I caught my breath I went to get my ticket changed. There were many people in the line, as we had all missed our planes for the same reason. When I was next in line, I heard the man in front of me telling the woman behind the counter his story. He was in the military, and he was going to be in trouble for missing his flight to Korea. He said they wouldn't care that the weather was to blame. It was his responsibility to get back on time. I felt really bad for him. He got his new ticket, and I never saw him again.

I got my new ticket, and I flew back to Charlotte. James picked me up at the airport. We were hungry, so on the way home we stopped at McDonald's in Monroe. While waiting our turn, I started telling James about my experiences at O'Hare. The guy behind the counter heard me telling James about hurrying to catch my plane and missing it. He suddenly said, "If you think that's bad, you should hear what happened to my brother." He then went on to tell us how his brother was in the military, and that at O'Hare, he missed his plane to Korea and was going to be in trouble with his commanding officer.

The odds of my standing behind a man in Chicago, then meeting the brother of that same man over a thousand miles away have to be tremendous! It would have been unusual if the man and I were both flying to Charlotte, but the fact that he was flying to Korea and I was flying to Charlotte has to make the odds almost impossible. I just love how things work out sometimes! As "they" say, it is a small world.

What Do You Say?

One of my very best friends in the world lost her 4-month-old baby to SIDS a few months ago. It's not something I talk a lot about, but Christi and I do talk about it now and then, as it is healing for her to be able to talk about it. Also, Kaylen was such an important part of our lives that we can't just not talk about her.

What is on my mind tonight is the things people say when someone loses a child, whether through miscarriage or death after the child has been born. Most people mean well, and they are trying to be helpful but say all the wrong things. Others just don't think at all and say things that sound heartless or unfeeling. Still others just avoid mentioning it at all. Is there really a "right" thing to say in this kind of situation? Should you say something, or should you avoid saying anything?

After talking to Christi about this, and after seeing others go through the same thing, I am convinced that avoiding the subject is definitely not the right way to go. If you are going to say something stupid, however, keep your mouth shut.

First, what not to say. These are things that people have actually said to parents who have lost a child. It is unbelievable that anyone would say anything like this, but I guess they don't know what to say so they say something stupid.

"It was God's will." This is said a lot, and I think it is a very stupid thing to say to a grieving parent. It may or may not be God's will that they lost their child, but that is not what they need to hear right now. To a grieving parent, it probably sounds more like you are saying, "It's God's fault," or "God didn't trust you to raise this child."

"God needed a sweet little baby to love, so he took..." Give me a break! I think this one is often said to children. What a way to scare kids!

"You can have more kids." So what? They can't have that child again. Children are not replaceable. A couple may or may not have more children, and if they do they will love them, but they will not take the place of the one they lost. They may help ease the pain of losing one, but when you lose a child, you do not need to hear this.

"It was for the best. He/she probably had a bad medical condition and wouldn't have had a happy life." This is often said after a baby has been miscarried. What a stupid thing to say. It is not the least bit helpful.

There are a lot of other things people say that are not helpful to grieving parents, but my last example is one of the most unthinking things I have ever heard. If I had not heard it from the grieving mom herself, I would never have believed it. What this unthinking person said was that she understood what the mom was going through because her dog died! Excuse me?! Dead baby/dead dog. Yeah, that's a good comparison. I cannot believe that anyone would have the nerve to say something like that to anyone, let alone a mom who had just lost her baby.

So, what should you say? Say, "I'm sorry." If you know the parent well, say, "I'm sorry. I'm here to listen." And then really be there to listen.

If you know someone who has lost a child, or if you would like to help mothers who have lost one, please check out this site, Kaylen's Write to Heal: http://www.kaylenswritetoheal.com/. You can make a donation, but it is not required. You can help out just by sending a message of hope to a grieving parent.

Easter candy is on sale, and although we can't afford it, my sweetie got some for us today. He bought each of us a Russell Stover solid chocolate bunny, and he bought me a hollow bunny. The hollow one is a name brand, which I won't mention, as it is not that great when compared to almost any other chocolate.

So why did I get just as excited about the not quite chocolate tasting hollow bunny (with a cute name, candy eyes, and a little bow tie) as I did the really great tasting solid milk chocolate bunny? Because that is the one that brought all the childhood memories flooding back. Going through our Easter baskets, the Easter egg hunt at Uncle Bob's and Aunt Rae's house one year, a beautiful (to our eyes anyway) new Easter dress, the special service at church. To paraphrase the best comedian who ever lived (Bob Hope), thanks for the memories you big ol' hollow bunny!

Procrastination is my Middle Name

Tax day is tomorrow (technically today, since it is after midnight, but I'll save that conversation for another day!). I guess I'd better get our taxes done. Isn't it interesting that when the government owes us money we file as soon as we can, but when we owe money, we wait until the last second? LOL Nope, no big mystery there!

Life is Like a... What?!

Even if you have never seen the movie Forrest Gump, you have most likely heard one of the most famous sayings from it. In the movie, Forrest repeats what he has heard his mother say many times: "Life is like a box of chocolates... you never know what you're gonna get." That saying has always made a lot of sense. When you open a box of chocolates, they all look pretty much the same. Until you bite into a piece, you don't know for sure what the chocolate shell contains.

I got to thinking about that saying tonight though, and it began to make less sense. While it's true that you don't know what flavor the chocolate you pick up will be, you do know that it will be sweet. Life is full of surprises, but they are definitely not all sweet.

This leads me to believe that life is more like a bag of trail mix. When you reach into a bag of trail mix, you do not know if you will pull out a salty nut, a sweet crunchy M&M, a crisp salty pretzel, or a honey glazed cluster of oats.

Life has many sweet moments. It also has its "salty" and even bitter moments. We would love for our lives to consist of nothing but sweet moments, but we know that will not happen during our life here on Earth. Think about that trail mix for a moment. Imagine eating a salty pretzel, then putting that M&M into your mouth. Doesn't it taste just a bit sweeter coming right after that salty pretzel?

Life is like a bag of trail mix... you never know what you're gonna get. But you do know the flavors will all balance each other out.

Stupid Dog? I Think Not!

A story my mom told me years ago came to mind tonight. It is a true story about a dog her dad owned.

My mom's family lived on a farm just out of Elgin, Illinois, but I believe this happened before my mom was born. One day my grandfather drove the family into town. While they were gone, a neighbor came over and decided to help himself to my grandfather's grain. He started loading the sacks of grain into his truck. The whole time he was loading the grain, my grandfather's dog sat and watched him. I'm sure the neighbor laughed to himself about what a stupid dog it was. Just as he was loading the last of the grain, the dog jumped into the driver's seat of the neighbor's truck. The dog sat there and refused to let the neighbor into his truck until my grandfather returned home!

Stupid? Not that dog! He could have chased the neighbor away, but he would have just returned another time. By preventing the thief from getting into his truck, the dog allowed my grandfather to know what his neighbor was up to.

I'll bet that dog got a special treat that day!

Seeing Myself in My Daughter

A friend and I were talking tonight about parents and children being alike. I was reminded of an incident years ago with my daughter Nancy. Just a tiny thing, on the surface, but it had a terrific impact on me.

When Nancy was around three or four years old, we were driving through town. I can't even remember what it was that Nancy said or did (I think it was the way she was saying something), but I remember it irritated me. Finally I asked, "Where did you get that?"--meaning, where did she get that mannerism. Almost as soon as it was out of my mouth, it hit me like a two-by-four to the back of the head. She got it from me. That irritating thing that she was doing was something I did.

Your kids really do learn from observing you. Hopefully they are picking up more good than bad.

Why Do You Look at Your Watch?

James and I were talking, right before going to sleep last night, and I got to thinking about watches. I have noticed that sometimes when someone asks me what the date is, I sometimes glance at my watch. Not so strange, you might think, since calendar watches have existed for many years. The thing is, I have never owned or worn one. Every watch I have ever had has just told the time. I know I am not the only one to do this either. I have seen many people do the same thing.

Here is a question that might sound easy. Why do you look at your watch? I'm sure your first thought was that it is to see what time it is. I read something many years ago that showed that this is not the whole truth.

Try this. As soon as someone looks at his or her watch, ask him or her what time it is. Odds are, he or she will look at the watch again. Why? The reason is that we do not really look at our watches to see what time it is. We look at our watches to see how long until the bus is due, how long until the kids come home from school, how long it has been since we ate. Although we are literally looking at the time on our watches, we are really managing our time.

On the Other Hand... (Contradictions)

There are a lot of well-known, popular sayings. The reason so many of them are popular is because there is a lot of truth to them. However, have you ever noticed that many sayings have an opposite saying that has just as much truth to it? I just wanted to share a couple of the ones that came to mind.

Let's say you have an idea of something you would like to do, such as marriage, a financial move, or a job change. What advice do you often hear? Many people will say, "Look before you leap." In other words, be cautious; take some time to think about what you are doing before taking such a big step.

On the other hand...

In this same situation, the advice many would give is, "He who hesitates is lost." In other words, if you stop to think about what is ahead, you may end up with nothing.

Which is the better advice? I believe they both have merit. The key, I think, is balance. We should not run around willy-nilly, acting without thinking, but we would be pretty miserable if we never did anything because we were too scared to act. Individual choices would also depend on the circumstances. If you are trying to decide whether to marry a certain person, it is definitely a good idea to look before you leap. That is too important a decision to make without thinking it through. However, if you are in a runaway car, headed for a cliff, the second saying would be more appropriate. Hesitate to make the right decision, and you could end up dead.

When someone we love has to go away for awhile, our friends often tell us, "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." This can be very reassuring, and it is very often the case.

On the other hand...

Just as often, you hear, "Out of sight, out of mind."

Which of these sayings is true? Again, it really just depends on the person. If the people who are away from each other truly love each other, they will spend more and more time thinking about the one they love. If there are any doubts, things could begin to change and it could be easier to put the other person "out of mind."

I Needed My Mom

I was kind of down yesterday. We are both out of work and have gotten behind on some bills, so we are having some major financial problems. This has created a lot of stress, as I'm sure you can imagine. Even though we are definitely trusting God to get us through this, as He has always done, it does hit me now and then, and I get a little down. When this happened yesterday, I stopped and had a mini pity party.

Right about then, I noticed Soleil Moonfrye's question of the day, at Twitter. She asked what living person and what person who had passed away we would want to have dinner with. My mom died, way too young, several years ago, and she was the obvious choice for the second part of the question.

I know my mom is in a wonderful place now. If I were not confident about that, it would kill me for her to be gone. I would never begrudge her the joys of spending her time with Jesus and the angels, and I look forward to doing that myself someday. But I do have those days, like yesterday, when I really need my mom.